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Hello, and welcome to Lemonade Tales! Pardon the dust while I get things rolling. I hope you enjoy the stories of inspiration, courage, and grace. I am humbled by each and every person and their personal struggles. This is the …

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Calling Off the Wedding of My Dreams

I met him when I was 19. He was 31. We met over the phone through work. He was charming and funny! So, I agreed to meet him at a local restaurant for dinner. We hit it off right away and we began dating. It all started innocent enough. A movie here… a dinner there. Then he met my parents and pretty soon we were vacationing out east with his folks, and all of a sudden we were in a “serious” relationship. One month turned into six months that turned into a year, and before we knew it, we hit our three-year anniversary.

The Dreaded “When are you Getting Married?” Question.

For some reason, people need you to be married. After the acceptable one or two years of dating everyone starts asking, “When are you getting married?” Not sure why, but there seems to be a life cycle to a relationship. You date, you fall in love, you get married, have babies, etc. Well, I was so young… still figuring out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was simply enjoying my time with him. We got along ok, but was he The One? I wasn’t sure. Are you ever really sure?

He asked me to marry him at that restaurant where we had our first date. I was excited. Our friends and families were excited. Now the question of, “When is the big day?” loomed. We chose a date and the wedding frenzy began. What the theme was going to be? The colors? Who would be in the wedding, the flowers, the DJ — and the list goes on. All of a sudden my days were filled with insane questions like, “What color napkins do we want and which trinkets do we want personalized as gifts for our wedding party?”

What about the Relationship?

To say the wedding industry is a business is an understatement. I became a different person. I wouldn’t say I was a Bridezilla, but all I thought about was wedding details. I wasn’t even thinking about my future husband or my future life. Instead, I was thinking about this VERY expensive party and being the little princess everyone wanted me to be. This was a huge mistake. I took my eyes off of what was really important: our relationship.

It was crumbling at the seams. I caught him lying about doing drugs. He wasn’t contributing his fair share to the wedding, and I started to see how poorly he managed money. The unraveling of my future started small, but soon began to show gaping holes.

Too Far Down the Path to Turn Back Now!

I was miserable. Here I was planning this fantastic day and I was so unhappy with my life with him. We had put down all sorts of deposits. I had a dress, we had invitations, and our families were booking flights to Michigan. How could I stop this freight train? I was not sleeping, I was overeating and my fiancé and I were fighting. It was hell. There is nothing in the fairy tales that talked about this part of the romance.

Mother Does Know Best!

My parents were never really excited about my fiancé. He was too old for me, but was nice enough. They never told me to stop seeing him, but they hinted that they wanted more for me. During the last three months of the wedding planning my mother saw how miserable I was and said the words that released me from what was becoming a prison, “You know you can call off the wedding. We can figure it all out. You don’t have to do this.”

At first I thought, No way. But then I started to process this life preserver she had thrown to me. After a ton of thinking about it (since it consumed my every thought), two months before we were to say, “I Do,” I told him I wasn’t happy and that I didn’t want to get married. He was devastated, but thought I was just postponing. He suggested counseling and we went for a few weeks, but it only sealed the deal for me. I knew I didn’t want to be with him.

I spent many nights crying and wondering if I would find a man who would love me again. I had spent five years with this man — almost 20% of my life. It seemed so impossible to love someone else or that someone else would love me. But as every day passed it got easier and easier. And I found that dating could be fun. I got to know myself outside of my relationship with my ex. I grew up.

A Fairy Tale Ending?

Last December, I would have been married 12 years. It is so hard for me to believe that, but I don’t regret loving him nor do I regret leaving him. He was supposed to be a part of my destiny. He taught me so much about love, about who I am, and what I want out of life and love. I may have said “No” to the wedding, but I am glad I said “Yes!” to my happiness.

Have you called off a wedding? What happened?

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