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Hello, and welcome to Lemonade Tales! Pardon the dust while I get things rolling. I hope you enjoy the stories of inspiration, courage, and grace. I am humbled by each and every person and their personal struggles. This is the …

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Adopting is emotionally invasive and exhausting

Missing ChildAdopting through the Department of Social Services has been one of the most laborious and emotional things I have ever done in my life. My husband and I have been filling out paperwork, meeting with our social worker, attending classes, passing inspections, and reviewing children’s profiles for over a year now. And waiting…

Are we there yet?

We have done everything that has been asked of us. We have jumped through hoops. We have stayed up late completing 20-page questionnaires. We have traveled hours for appointments. We have cried while reading through the children’s profiles. We have had moments of realization that we can’t take them all, and we have done everything we can to make this process as smooth as it could be. The truth is, adoption is not for the faint of heart. You have to dig in and stake your claim, and constantly remind yourself that you deserve a family no matter what they throw at you.

No child should go from the fire into the frying pan

We understand the state wants to protect the children. But it is beyond difficult to be scrutinized the way we have been cross examined, at least at times if feels that way. We have nothing to hide, but you feel bruised and battered by the end. You start to doubt if you said the right thing or answered the question appropriately. You try to be yourselves, but wonder if that is ever enough. Even being a military family has its challenges. They expect you to be perfect. We are not. Anyone who is truthful about their families, their childhoods, and their lives knows that there are shadows. What we are is self-aware, loving, caring, and extremely open to taking on another person’s responsibility as our own for the rest of our lives.

Daily reminders that your life is not complete

You look around you and see couples having babies who don’t have a clue. No one inspected their homes to make sure they had fire extinguishers in the house or took their fingerprints to check their criminal records, or even verified they had car insurance. The system wants you to have a home that is completely ready for the adoption. So, here we sit day-after-day looking at empty beds that should be filled with sleeping children and toys that should bring hours of joy. All while they scrutinize our lives,  these kids are in foster homes waiting, too.

So we wait and wait some more

It is already difficult to plan your life in the military, but sitting around and waiting for the next email or call from the social worker about the next step makes it almost impossible to plan anything. We want to plan a family vacation with the children this summer, but can’t. We want to sign the kids up for camps – enrollment opened this week, but can’t, and there’s a good chance the spots will fill up. We want to set up a nanny and educational opportunities for the summer, but can’t. Everything is on hold – in limbo – simply waiting. We are pros at playing the waiting game. The cycle of getting our hopes up and nothing happening is so incredibly difficult. It is truly a challenge to balance living now and planning for the future.

We know God has a plan

This thought has gotten us this far, but it is a really tough pill to swallow when offered from others. Our faith has gotten us through infertility testing, treatments, and making the decision to adopt. We are pros at God’s plan. Please don’t pat us on the head and tell us to just be patient. We know you mean well, but it is a bit patronizing. Understand that the emptiness we feel gnaws at us daily and sometimes we just need to vent our frustrations. We need to be able to yell at the world: “WHY IS IT SO HARD?” And truthfully, “IT IS NOT FAIR!”

Our journey

This is our path. This is our heartache. This will be our joy. But know it has been hard-fought battle for our family. And we haven’t even become parents yet.

 

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